Triggers.
Do you have difficulty asking others to accommodate your need to avoid migraine triggers?
Migraine sufferers know that limiting exposure to triggers is a crucial part of effective migraine management. This is easier to do when we control the environment, rather than when we are socializing with others. How easy is it for you to ask someone at work not to wear a certain perfume/cologne because it triggers a migraine? Not always so easy is it? At some point, we have to learn how to apply boundaries so that we become more confident in asking people to adapt and be compassionate to our particular situation and triggers.
No one is a mind reader.
Friends, family, and co-workers probably already know that you have migraines, but that doesn’t mean they know your specific triggers. Carefully explain how they can help. You will find it beneficial to tell them what can happen if you are exposed to a trigger so they understand the risks. If you never ask for help in this regard, how will your family and friends ever know?
You can’t always be in control.
Although you try your best, some people might not ever make an effort to limit your trigger exposure. In reality, we can’t control other people. However diplomatic you might try to be, you just won’t have an impact on everyone. Sometimes the best choice is to avoid situations and people who refuse to even consider your health needs.
Your situation can strengthen relationships.
Setting limits is healthy for relationships, and it is probably something you do already without even realizing it. Without those limits/boundaries, people might stop by unannounced, enter your home without knocking, and help themselves to your food and money. Everyone has limits. Asking friends to be considerate of your need to avoid triggers is not any different.
Setting boundaries can improve assertiveness.
Unfortunately, talking about migraine triggers is not a common part of our society. Talking about them might make people feel awkward and uncomfortable. Then we ask ourselves if it’s even worth the trouble. However, “suffering in silence” is not healthy. When we learn how to ask for the help we need in this area, we become more assertive in other areas to.
Self-care
In my profession, we talk a lot about self-care, and how important it is to our overall health. This doesn’t just impact our nutrition and healthy eating habits, but flows into other areas of our lives as well. Assertive people are usually able to recognize their own needs and take the necessary steps to ensure their well-being. Although our society often makes us feel this is selfishness, in reality, it is good self-care. When we take the time to think about potential triggers and ask for compassion and assistance in advance, we are taking responsibility for our own health.
Plan ahead.
Before you accept an invitation, think ahead. Ask the hostess some questions about potential triggers. Then imagine yourself participating in the activity. What do you need in order to participate without exposure to triggers? Maybe it could be something as simple as taking your own “trigger-free” food to a potluck. In some situations, you may not be able to avoid triggers, so then you have to decide if accepting the invitation is worth the risk of a migraine. If not, it is perfectly acceptable to bow out gracefully.
Don’t be a martyr.
Sitting quietly by while you find yourself “assaulted” by someone’s strong perfume, cologne, cigarette smoke, or even giving in to peer pressure to eat or drink something you know is a trigger isn’t being polite, nor is it sensible. It’s being a martyr. Please don’t engage in this type of behavior. There are polite ways to insist on protecting yourself.
Are you afraid you will offend?
Not everyone is going to understand or accept your need to avoid triggers. Some will roll their eyes and make comments to your face or even behind your back. Some people will be offended if you decline an invitation, have to leave early, or refuse a bite of this or sip of that. But in the grand scheme of things, their hurt feelings are not your problem. If you have been polite, but firm, you have done all you can. You can’t then take on the burden of how someone negatively reacts – that just leads to more triggers. Taking care of your health is the priority. People who truly are your friends will understand.
Don’t give in to fear or guilt.
It is understandable and very normal to be concerned about another’s reaction. However, don’t let your fears control whether or not you protect yourself from triggers. Be strong when friends or family “guilt trip” you into doing something you know will bring on a migraine.
Accept there will be some resistance.
What if your refusal of an invitation is met with a negative response? What if your mother piles on the guilt? What if your close friend continues to burn incense despite your requests to avoid it? Change is never easy. You are asking others to change their behavior for your benefit. As you know, we are creatures of habit, and we often fight change, tending only to give in when we feel so uncomfortable that we have no choice but to change. Hopefully your friends and loved ones will value your presence more than their air fresheners, loud music, strong perfumes/colognes, or cigarette smoke.
Remember, migraine triggers can be avoided, and it is definitely in YOUR best interest to do whatever you can to avoid situations that bring on those triggers. Be strong when it comes to food and drink triggers, and avoid as much as possible, putting those types of foods into your diet. (Plan ahead.) Remember the pain of the end result – that thumping pain of the dreaded migraine headache – use that image to your advantage and as a deterrent to certain things/foods you are tempted by. The outcome will certain outweigh the temptations.