What is it that gets “under your skin” with the things people nonchalantly say about migraines or when you yourself are suffering with one?
Since June is Migraine Awareness Month, perhaps you will have more of an opportunity address some of the things people (may unwittingly) say to those of us who suffer with migraines. I am sure you can relate to many of these “dirty dozen” statement. As you think about them, think about how you might respond to someone when you hear these things.
First of all, let’s address the elephant in the room.
It’s as if people think you don’t have a real disease when it comes to migraines, especially since they don’t see the ravages the pain and suffering migraine has caused in your life or see what is going on inside your body. I’m sure many of them don’t mean to be hurtful, but if they could see inside your body and know the toll this disease has had on you and on your life, I am sure they would think differently am sure.
Have you ever heard of any of these statements – which I will refer to as the “Dirty Dozen?”
1. “Oh, [name], you look so good today. You certainly don’t look sick.” Migraine sufferers use an enormous amount of energy trying to look as normal as possible, so when someone actually says this to you, obviously you have really been successful in doing just that! Still these statements sound harsh, condescending and judgmental when you are chronically suffering with migraine pain.
2. “If only you could lower the stress in your life.” Much easier said than done, right? While in some ways, this may sound like a great comment to make, migraine is not caused by stress, (although stress can often trigger a migraine). While lowering stress levels is good for most of us, it will not necessary eliminate your attacks, especially when they are both genetic and neurologic in nature. Of course, for some, stress is a bigger trigger point, so by relieving stress, you may find you have fewer and less intense migraines. However, very often, just someone actually saying something like this will cause additional stress to you. Wouldn’t it be great if they offered to lighten our stressful load instead of making unhelpful comments about our stress level?
3. “It can’t hurt that bad.” This one I have heard many times. It can be annoying when friends or even family members make the comment to me that they’ve had a bad headache and now they know how it must feel to have a migraine. I guess they don’t understand that migraine pain does not compare to the common headache. Migraine, especially chronic Migraine, is one of the worst kinds of pain there is, and often is debilitating. Add to that the nausea and vomiting and other symptoms that come along with that migraine, and it compounds the suffering. It is easy for people to make these assumptions but until they have truly had a migraine themselves, they will never fully understand what you are going through.
4. “It’s just a headache” is another popular comment. While the person saying that may truly believe it, as migraine sufferers, we know that is not the case. Migraine is a systemic disease that affects nearly every part of our bodies, from digestive to circulatory to endocrine, to nervous system. It causes severe pain throughout your entire body. If the migraine itself isn’t hard enough on the body, think about the treatment of that migraine – that often wreaks havoc, causing even further damage and disability. Think about it, you start with one pill for the pain, and before you know it, you are taking another pill for the side effects from the medications you are taking to help with the migraine! No, it most certainly is “not just a headache.”
5. “Try taking up a hobby. It will take your mind off the pain.” That is really a nonsensical comment. While distractions are recognized and can be an effective way for some patients to better control their pain, it requires immense concentration and practice and when you are in the throes of that intense pain, concentration is not something that comes easily. The worse the pain is, the less the chances are that the distraction will be helpful. In either case, distraction will not prevent an attack, nor will it treat or “cure” Migraine.
6. “You just need is to go outside for fresh air and exercise.” While I am a huge proponent of exercising as a preventative (which I have found to be true in my life), I also know that in the middle of an attack, there is no way you are going outside to exercise. While exercise is healthy and can be a preventative, when we exercise too vigorously, then it can become a trigger instead. Then we have to think about the other part of that statement…going outside for fresh air. Obviously, whoever said that has not had a migraine! The sunlight we are exposed to outside can cause physical pain as a part of our migraine attack, or act as a strong trigger for another attack. There are certain precautions we all need to take when we spend time outdoors to prevent those triggers from getting to us.
7. “Well, at least it’s not fatal.” To me, that is a totally inappropriate statement – and not what you want to hear when you are in the middle of a painful migraine. Generally for the most part that is true, but unfortunately, although very rare, there is something known as a “Migrainous Stroke” strikes people every year. Migraine sufferers, without appropriate treatment, put themselves at risk and when left unchecked, some have fallen prey to deep depression, accidental overdose, awful side effects, and even death by related causes such as accidents and suicide. Migraines are very serious, should not be taken lightly, and most certainly should not go untreated.
8. “Oh, [name], I read about something new that can cure Migraine. Have you tried it? It worked for a friend of mine.” I know this sounds helpful to those saying it, but we tend to be bombarded with the same information — and almost always we have tried the “latest and greatest treatment” anyway. It gets tiring to hear these constant suggestions. It’s not that we don’t appreciate the caring nature of some of those who are passing on the information, but often it makes us feel helpless and acts as a reminder of yet another treatment that has not worked for us.
9. “Take a pill.” Most of the time, with intense pain, that is what we want to do! But it’s not that simple. Taking an aspirin or Tylenol just doesn’t cut it for most migraine sufferers – and part of the problem is that if we do that every time we have a little pain, we find ourselves spiraling into “rebound headaches.” Plus pain is only part of Migraine – and actually some migraine sufferers never endure the pain portion of the migraine. It’s also not so easy to take our pain meds when we run into the issue of the limitations placed on us by insurance companies. When I was at my worst, mine were limited to 9 per month, and I’m sure you know, they can cost hundreds of dollars. Some days we have to make the choice not to treat a particular attack, because if we treat that attack, we won’t be able to treat another one that might be worse. Frankly, telling someone to take a pill is hurtful to the chronic migraine sufferer. We don’t want to be miserable and would take medicine if we could. Next time, why not ask that person if they could help you instead by turning off lights, turning down the noise level, and ventilating a smelly room to help with comfort issues!
10. “It’s all in your head.” Oh that’s funny!! Yes, the pain part may be “in our head’ but there’s more to it than that. Migraineurs are not crazy, lazy or seeking attention. It’s not just about the pain either. What about the other physical signs such as increased heart rate, respirations and blood pressure, dizziness, weakness or paralysis, the inability to speak, nausea and vomiting, among other symptoms and signs.
11. “It’s a ‘woman thing’.” Well, that definitely takes us back to the dark ages, doesn’t it? In reality, both men and children also experience Migraine. While it’s true that a frequent trigger is reproductive hormone fluctuations in women, hormones are only a small part of the Migraine picture, and only one of thousands of potential triggers.
12. “You can work through it.” Chronic Migraine is recognized as a disabling, systemic disease — and even the government offers Social Security Disability to those who suffer from it. A Migraine attack often is worse than the worst flu a non-migraine sufferer can imagine. But for them, once the flu goes away they’re done. Migraines come back over and over and over again, sometimes for decades or a lifetime.
Let’s face it. We have enough to deal with in our lives without feeling guilty and judged by those we care about or by the random remarks people make. What we really need the most is acceptance and to know that our friends and loved ones are there to help us and support us when we need it the most.
We are all individual people when it comes to treatments. You know of my success story with natural and holistic remedies. However, I am realistic enough to know that this does not work for everyone. There are so many different types of migraines, and some stem from serious issues that are not so easily treated. Some are more easily treated than others. I have the good fortune and blessing of being able to manage many of my symptoms etc. from a natural perspective. Others are not so successful. However, by using natural remedies in addition to what you use, can be a powerful preventative and can reduce the pain of your migraines. It is not necessarily an easy approach, but when incorporated with other methods, can be highly effective.
During the month of June – “Migraine Awareness Month” – let’s take every opportunity to tell those around us what Migraine is all about – and that all we want is their love and support, and to know that they are there for us when we need it.
Note: Migraine is not something to be ignored. Those who suffer should be under the care of a medical specialist/physician. You should not let this type of pain go undiagnosed and should not take it lightly. Also, if you are making even dietary or supplement or herbal changes, you should first consult with your physician.
As always, if there is anything I can do to help you on your migraine journey, I am always happy to talk to you. You can hit “Reply” to this email and we can set up a time to chat. Schedule >HERE<<. Sometimes, just knowing someone understands what we are going through is one of the best types of help we can get.